O' Christmas Tree
by Crackinois
Summary: Maura is eager to take part in a Christmas tradition like never before. But, can Jane make it up to her when she doesn't recognize how important it is to her friend. Rating changed to M for final chapter.
1. Green The Whole Year Round

**O' Christmas Tree**

**Author's Note:** Fandom Aid on Live Journal set up a fandom auction for Hurricane Sandy Relief. The winning bidder was Laurel_Hardy and she pretty much gave me free reign on the subject of the fic, requesting: sweet, hot, Rizzles. Well, being that it's that time of the year, I just couldn't resist doing a Christmas fic. I've only ever written one other Christmas drabble so I figured, why the heck not! Will be 2-3 chapters, rating will probably change.

* * *

**CH 1: Green the Whole Year Round**

The contents of the backmost closet had seemingly multiplied. It was rarely opened more than twice a year. Hidden from daily view, sheltered from personal embarrassment and the prying, criticizing eyes of one Angela Rizzoli the items had somehow taken life and procreated. Maura had forced her to watch a documentary on asexual reproduction once.

"Partheno…nucleotic…meiotic fission or something," Jane muttered as she rummaged through the stored holiday trappings. "Scientific proof, Christmas bows can do it."

She honestly couldn't remember having put all that stuff in the closet. Sudden horror struck that maybe, just maybe, her mother had seen the catch-all closet and possibly even added to the mayhem. Jane hardly decorated; there was no way all of that stuff could be hers.

"Shit!" Jane ducked throwing her arms up to shield her head from the topple of boxes, wrapping paper, a few already purchased presents, and other accoutrements that came tumbling down from both sides. A solitary green Christmas ball slipped free from its tissue and rattled as it dinked and rolled across the floor behind her. A smirk curled one side of her mouth as Joe Friday nosed the ornament and made to snatch it up but thought better of it when her teeth clacked against foreign plastic rather than rubber or felt. Jane blew a puff of air and watched the stray strand of tinsel hanging from her head flutter in front of her eyes. She didn't even like tinsel.

There was really no point in being careful now; Jane shoveled the felled trim, decorations, and numerous tubes of wrapping paper out of her way by the arm full, making her way to the back of the closet where, hidden under the holiday disaster, lay the single most important object. Really, the only object of worth. She still wasn't sure where all of the rest of that crap had come from.

Three-feet long, the once white box was tattered, battered, discolored, and misshapen. The brand name and picture had long since worn off the label. A chunk of the cardboard corner tore off in her hand as she tugged it towards her. Like rings on a tree the strips of packing tape in various states of yellowing and disintegration, placed anew each year to reseal it, signified its age. Jane carried the box to the dining room table and popped last year's tape with her keys.

"O' Tannenbaum, O' Tannenbaum…something, something…about your branches," she sung quietly to the familiar tune as she chuckled at her lack of knowledge of the lyrics.

Green plastic legs popped into the base and two more segments notched together to form the tree. Tiny colored lights were already woven through the branches; Jane connected the ends from one tier to the other and then plugged the tree in, spending the next ten minutes hunting burned out bulbs in need of replacement. The metal and plastic spine of the tree was dented and bent slightly at the second tier from a decade of display and one rowdy bout of brotherly wrestling where Tommy and Frankie had knocked the tree from its perch and fallen on top of it to boot. The branches were gnarled, the flexible wire broken in unnatural ways on some of the offshoots. Once full and vibrant emerald artificial needles had dulled all over and fallen out in patches leaving sparse holes that Jane concealed with strategically placed ornaments. A Christmas bauble here, a clip-on bow there. All in all it took less than half an hour to have the tree put together, lit, and decorated. A silver star that never seemed to run out of transferable glitter despite being purchased at the dollar store and years of faithful use capped the top.

Jane stood admiring her quaint holiday tradition when the soft knock at the door that could only be Maura roused her from the humorous memory of Tommy rolling off the tree six years ago and trying to pluck the ornaments embedded in his back.

Maura bustled past her, arms laden with bags, stopping abruptly as she laid eyes on the tree. "What's that?"

"Maura, this…is a Christmas tree. People put them up around this time of year to you know…celebrate the birth of Jesus…"

Maura pursed her lips and cocked an eyebrow, "The use of evergreen plant decoration to symbolize eternal life dates back to many ancient cultures. The origin of the contemporary Christmas tree is historically thought to be a surviving practice of pre-Christian pagans that worshipped trees and other traditions of adorning the home with evergreen to ward off evil spirits…"

Jane covered her mouth to try and contain the giggle, though it slipped away, her eyes widening as she noticed tears begin to well up behind Maura's eyes.

"…it's just…" Maura set her bags down and clasped her hands together, fidgeting nervously, "…I though you were getting a real tree and that we were going to decorate it together."

"Oh…" was all Jane could think of in the moment. "I didn't even…this is the tree I put up every year, I mean, you've seen it before…and…my apartment is really too small for like, a real tree…" She watched as Maura nodded and lifted her finger to catch the tears that were beginning to trickle from the corner of her eye.

Maura shook her head, "It's silly…" But the tears wouldn't stop.

"No…no…no," Jane reached for her friend's hands and held them tightly, "Don't cry. Please don't cry. I can fix this!"

Sniffling, Maura watched Jane bolt for the back of her apartment. A slip and a crash followed, more ornaments and stored knickknacks spilled to the floor as Jane slogged through the guts of the disheveled storage closet towards her bedroom. Maura proceeded cautiously, curious as to what exactly Jane thought would fix it. Part of her felt immensely ridiculous for crying, it was only a silly holiday tradition. But, she never put up a tree of her own, volunteering to be on call for Christmas so those medical examiners with families in town could enjoy the holiday with their loved ones. Her parents had always liked to travel to warmer climates at this time of the year, so even as a child their family traditions were scant and very unlike the truly traditional. In college and medical school, she'd spent many Christmases alone, fearing travel would take too much time away from studying. She'd grown used to being alone. But her friendship with Jane changed all that, and now, staring in the face of disappointment she was truck by how much she wanted something that in the grand scheme of things should have been trivial.

She picked her way through the closet disaster and stepped into the doorway of Jane's bedroom to find her friend rooting through one of her dresser drawers. "It's ok, Jane. I overreacted. We can just hang some garland on your mantle instead, perhaps make a wreath for your door…"

"Aha!" Jane turned with an impish smile and held in her hands a knit beanie shaped like an elf's hat, complete with pointed ears, a giant white poof ball on the end and red braids that hung twelve inches on either side. It was the dirty Santa gift she'd been saddled with at the previous year's Homicide holiday party. "Get your stuff."

With the decorations that Maura had brought stored in her car Jane took the keys despite Maura's protest. Pulling the beanie from her coat pocket she pulled it down snuggly over Maura's head until it completely covered her eyes.

"Jane!" Maura gasped, reaching up to remove the hat only to have her hands batted away. "What are you doing!?"

"Fixing your Christmas."

Huffing, Maura crossed her arms, playing the petulant child much to Jane's amusement, "And how will giving me hat hair accomplish that?"

Jane laughed, tying the red braids under Maura's chin to keep the hat secure and Maura's vision impaired. Her hands lingered on the bow she'd tied as her finger brushed the underside of Maura's chin. A quick smile caught Maura's lips, a fleeting one, only for a moment before she reined it in. But, Jane had seen it and smiled in return. A gusty breeze ruffled the tail ends of Maura's hair that were hanging out from underneath the hat. Jane watched, endeared by the picture in front of her.

"I can't see," Maura stated as she reached blindly for the woman in front of her, fumbling until she found Jane's wrists and took hold of them to orient herself.

Turning Maura around, Jane eased her towards the passenger side of the car, opening the door and then turning her once again so that her back was to the vehicle. "I'm…pretty good at screwing things up. But, I think I'm pretty good at fixing them too. Trust me?"

The cap itched and Maura crinkled her nose and finally gave in, lifting one finger to scratch at the annoyance and then pulling the cap back down where it had ridden up. "Of course."

Settled in the car, Jane reached over and buckled Maura in, tugged on the hat one last time for good measure and then started the car. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Maura tapped her legs to try and fight the cold while the heat kicked in. They sat for a few moments as Jane painstakingly scrolled through the radio stations until she finally located the one that had morphed into twenty-four hours of Christmas hits the week before Thanksgiving. _Already!?_ She had moaned those couple of weeks ago. Now, however, she was glad for it as a cheery rendition of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer filled the car.

"Ready?" Jane teased as she started to drive.

Maura turned her head, looking as absurd as Jane had imagined she would when she decided to find the elf hat. "I don't know. Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Maura reached up to lift one corner of the hat from her eye but was swiftly met with chastisement and Jane pulling the hat back down and holding it in place.

"I didn't mean, right now," Jane rolled her eyes as she often did when Maura took something too literally, even though she knew the woman next to her couldn't see it. "Trust me…remember?"

Silence settled for a block of their drive, the smile never leaving Maura's lips. "Always," she said softly as Jane continued to drive.


	2. Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

**CH 2: It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas**

Song after song, Christmas music filled the car. Maura hummed along, some of them she knew, holiday staples, old classics. The contemporary pop renditions were foreign, but enjoyable nonetheless. Jane sang along to a few of the songs as well, mostly to change the words as she and her brothers had done as kids, eliciting more than one chuckle from Maura in the process.

Unable to see, Maura had no idea where they were or how long they had been driving but she calculated that since eight songs had played on the radio at an average of three to four minutes each with the one commercial break, they had to have been driving between thirty and forty minutes. Most of it had been on the interstate but now she felt the car slow and tip down as if on an exit ramp. The driving continued for a bit, Jane never saying a word to give away where they might be or where they were heading. Soon, the car slowed again and Maura noted the grinding sound of the tires as they transferred from asphalt to gravel.

"Are we there yet?" She asked.

"Are we there yet," Jane scoffed. "Just…" she smirked, "…quiet the monkey mind and enjoy the trip," she added with jest. Maura smiled and attempted to give her a playful punch in the arm, missing the first time but connecting on the retry, knowing that Jane could easily have dodged the feeble attempt. "I'll be right back. You stay here, and no peeking!"

Maura nodded.

Jane opened the car door and then paused, turning to face her friend again, "And I'll ask you if you peeked when I get back…"

Maura laughed and raised her hand to her chest where she knew the hives would appear if she tried to lie. "No peeking," she confirmed.

Deprived of the most basic sense of sight the time lapse seemed interminable. The longer she sat the more self-conscious Maura became that the people that belonged to the opening and closing car doors around her could see her sitting alone with a gaudy elf hat pulled down over her eyes and were laughing at her.

The driver's side door opened. "Jane?" Maura asked with a start.

"Yeah," came the reply on the familiar voice of her friend. Maura relaxed and let Jane take her left hand and place something in it. She tightened her fingers around the cup and felt the comforting warmth seep into her palm. Jane reached across her and took her right hand, guiding it to the beverage until she tapped Maura's hand on the straw. "Peppermint hot cocoa with whipped cream. Thought you'd have an easier time with a straw."

"Thank you," Maura smiled, taking a sip of the piping hot beverage and relishing the sweet, creamy taste and sensation as it slid down her throat. "Did you know the first chocolate beverage was most likely created by the Mayans over two thousand years ago? It was served cold. European explorers encountered the drink through the Aztecs and brought it back to Spain where it was eventually sweetened and heated."

Jane shook her head as she took a sip of her own beverage, swiping her tongue across her upper lip to clear away the errant whipped cream. "Fess up. There's like some random bizarre fun facts website you read every day in your free time so that you can trot these little Jeopardy moments out on me whenever you get the chance."

The car lurched forward as Jane continued on their way. Maura sipped her cocoa greedily, "I simply enjoy knowing the origin of things."

The ride continued and Jane glutted herself on stolen glances at the woman next to her. Each one made her smile as Maura sat there, oblivious, a grin plastered across her face, occasionally humming, and sipping slowly on the hot cocoa. "I can't believe you haven't peeked."

"You told me not to," Maura reminded her. "Besides, I like surprises."

"God, why?" Jane groaned. "I hate them."

"That's because you're a control freak."

"Ha!" Jane guffawed. "Like you're not?"

"Years of meditation have taught me how to let go."

Jane chuckled. "Thank you, Deepak Maura."

Maura giggled in turn. "I've never…" _Don't ruin the moment._ She tried to stop herself, but the rest spilled out anyway, "…been given a real surprise. Not something that was supposed to be fun."

"What!?" Jane didn't believe her. "Sure you have. Everyone's had at least one surprise party in their life…" Maura shook her head no. "Birthday or Christmas gifts from your parents you weren't expecting?"

"They either gave me money or took me shopping to pick it out myself and then wrapped it and put it away."

"Well, on the bright side," Jane considered, "I guess that meant no horrible wool sweaters or Barbie dolls when you wanted a new softball glove." She paused and let it settle in. A few minutes passed and the guilt of all the little surprises she had taken for granted weighed heavily on her mind. "I'm sorry. I should have…thrown you a surprise party for your birthday, or something."

Maura reached out and jostled her shoulder. "You're my best friend. Spending my birthday with you, eating ice cream and drinking beer was all I wanted." She squeezed Jane's arm but her hand was shaken loose as the car again veered off the street and began to bump down a dirt road dotted with potholes.

They came to a stop. "We're here," Jane smiled, watching as Maura slowly removed the beanie, blinked several times while she tried to straighten her hair and then finally focused on the sign in front of them. _Ol' Buck's Christmas Trees. _"We came here every year since I was kid to get our tree," Jane explained. "Every year until Pop left. But, it seems to me that since…Ma still lives in your guesthouse and you've sort of opened up the Rizzoli refuge, I figure we'll all be spending Christmas at your house. So, that means you need your own tree."

For as off the beaten path as _Ol' Buck's_ was, the Christmas tree lot didn't lack for patrons. Jane placed her hand in the small of Maura's back and guided her through the crowd, weaving through the shorter and cheaper trees at the front towards the back.

"Is that little Jane Rizzoli!?" The booming voice caught her from the side. Jane and Maura turned to see a stout, jolly man, who looked for all the world like old Kris Kringle himself. Only, this iteration of Santa wore faded blue jeans tucked into tan lumberjack boots and holly sprig embroidered suspenders over a red and green plaid flannel shirt. But, his face was all bushy white eyebrows and beard, a thick mop of snow-frosted hair topped with a Santa hat, and a red nose from standing out in the cold.

"Ol' Buck!" Jane laughed, steering Maura towards him. "Maura, this is Ol' Buck the Christmas tree man."

"Well," he smiled, turning his attention towards the new face with the familiar, "Ol' Buck Junior. My father was Ol' Buck when Jane here was a few feet shorter. I haven't seen you or your parents in a few years now."

"Yeah," Jane chuckled, "It's been…an interesting few years."

"At least you still know the way," he winked. "What can I do for you ladies this fine morning?"

Jane threw her arm around Maura's shoulders and pulled her in close, "Maura here has never put up her own Christmas tree…"

Ol' Buck staggered backwards, his hand on his chest as he feigned heart palpitations at the thought of such a horror.

Maura pulled free of Jane and rushed towards him, "Are you experiencing sudden cardiac arrhythmia? Maybe you should sit down."

Ol' Buck and Jane laughed in tandem as the old man straightened up and threw his big bear of an arm around her and the other around Jane, "No my dear. I'm just fine. And you will be too once Ol' Buck here fixes you up with the best tree in Boston!"

At the back of the lot was a separate roped off section. All of the trees at the family-owned lot were expertly selected, but in the back they kept a small choice of felled specimens of particular beauty or grandiose size.

"At least six feet," Jane began, "maybe eight? Really full…and green, very green!"

The tree man laughed and nodded as they began to make their way up the first aisle of firs.

Maura paused, "The Balsam Fir is a popular choice, renowned for its lovely fragrance…"

"Maura…" Jane coughed.

She continued, "Or a Fraser for a more understated fragrance, the needles are supposed to be softer and less irritating to the skin upon contact…A Grand Fir might be nice…"

Ol' Buck chuckled and cut her off, "The Grand Fir does have a pleasant citrus odor. Did you know the Plateau Indians of the Pacific Northwest ascribed to its bark many medicinal purposes?"

Maura cocked her head in surprise as a smile spread across her face. Jane leaned in, "Ol' Buck here…really knows his trees."

"That I do, he replied," leading them on. They walked through the rows of firs, in different hues of vibrant green, all fat and full, their fragrances concentrated and permeating the air. A row of shaggy pines followed, but none of them caught Maura's eye.

"I…I…" Maura stammered, suddenly overwhelmed at the choices. "I can't decide. I think perhaps I'll let you select for me."

Ol' Buck gave them a wink and waved his hand, beckoning them to follow him all the way to the back of the lot. "I have a tree that I set aside, just waiting for the perfect home. I think you might be it." They came to a stop in front of a solitary tree, sitting unflanked by any others. The eight foot Blue Spruce was picture perfect, waves of dark green and indigo blue undulating through its branches to end at grey-green and blue frosted tips. Red juvenile cone buds were mixed through the boughs as if the tree had already decorated itself for the holiday.

Jane watched Maura's eyes light up as they mapped the tree from top to bottom. "Like it?" she asked, stepping closer to her friend and nudging her with her elbow. Momentarily overcome, Maura just nodded in response. The sight of Maura speechless and on the verge of tears as she looked at her first Christmas tree caught Jane right in the chest. She couldn't even remember what it was like to put up her first tree; it was just something that had always been. Sometimes it slipped her mind that Maura's upbringing had been different, that many of the holiday traditions she took for granted her best friend had never had. Jane wanted to give Maura all of those little experiences. But, what struck her the most as they stood in front of that tree was how much she just wanted to wrap her arms around the woman next to her and hold her. She got those feelings sometimes, and they were terrifying. She pushed it down and turned to Ol' Buck, clearing her throat and hoping that she didn't look as teary-eyed as she felt. "We'll take it."


	3. All I Want For Christmas

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading!

**CH 3: All I Want For Christmas**

It was around noon by the time the tree was all wrapped up and lashed tightly to the roof of Maura's car. They set off for the ride home. Maura couldn't stop herself from turning to stare at Jane, a huge grin on her face as she watched her friend drive. Jane could feel the eyes on her and shifted nervously in the seat, swallowing hard and letting her eyes dart to the side to catch Maura's gaze for a brief moment.

"Thank you," Maura said softly, clenching her hand into a fist to try and keep herself from reaching over to take Jane's hand in her own. Jane tried to act tough and hard all the time, but deep down Maura knew she was really a softie, and that she tended to bring out the most tender displays in her friend. In that moment she wanted to show Jane that it was ok to be that person around her.

"Don't thank me yet, I've still got to get the dang thing in the stand without wrecking your living room," Jane smiled and focused on the road ahead, trying desperately to ignore the urge to reach over and take Maura's hand and hold it for the remainder of the trip.

When they were almost home, Jane spotted the familiar dollar store sign situated conveniently next to a grocery store and pulled over. Maura crinkled her nose and raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "We need a few more things for the complete tree decorating experience," Jane explained, "I'll be right back."

She returned with one small sack from the grocery and several plastic bags sagging on her arms from the dollar store. Maura could see a few errant Christmas decorations climbing out of the bags as Jane put them in the car. Jane shrugged, a sly smile on her lips as she started the car again, "It's a big tree. I was afraid we wouldn't have enough."

* * *

"I got this!" Jane insisted, half buried beneath the lower boughs of the full Blue Spruce.

Maura giggled, clasping her hand over her mouth so Jane wouldn't hear her. She sneaked up behind her friend and reached out to steady the tree while Jane tried for the fifth time to get the stand fastened around the base of the trunk. When a growl of victory burst forth from the branches, Maura removed her hand and smiled as the tree stood.

"Now, we decorate?" Maura asked, reaching to pluck a few stray tree needles from Jane's hair.

"First," Jane held up one finger and made her way to the kitchen, retrieving two mugs from the cabinet and the bourbon and eggnog she had bought at the grocery store. "To get us in the holiday mood."

"Jane, you do realize that eggnog has almost 350 calories per serv…"

"Maura…." Jane cut her off and handed her the spiked Christmas beverage. "It's Christmas. I'll…run an extra mile with you tomorrow if that'll make you happy."

Grinning, Maura took a sip of the beverage and nodded.

There were enough tiny white Christmas lights to decorate the tree in Rockefeller Center. Jane set her mug aside and uncoiled one set, "Always start at the bottom. Weave under and over the branches as you go, like this…" She began to wrap the lights, "Now you," letting Maura take over until the strand reached the point where Jane had to help it to the top.

Spiraled in a string of lights, Jane plugged the tree in to make sure everything was working before they continued. "It's beautiful!" Maura gasped.

"You ain't seen nothing yet," Jane replied with a wink, unpackaging all of the decorations and laying them out so they could take their pick. "Tell me where to start and I'll hang the high ones and then you can do the low ones."

"Better Homes and Gardens suggests the key to the perfect tree is layering…" Maura retrieved long strands of holly berry dotted garland from their supplies.

Jane cleared her throat and winced, "You know…holly can be…"

"Toxic to small children," Maura looked over at Jane, "and dogs. Don't worry; it's fake. Very realistic though, don't you think?"

Jane smiled and gathered up some of the garland and began strategically weaving it throughout the tree, "It's nice."

For someone who had never decorated a Christmas tree before, Maura had a system. She turned to the Christmas balls next: gold, silver, and white in matte, metallic, and glittered finishes. Standing back to direct Jane on the tall branches she ordered the colors and finishes alternated as Jane circled back and forth around the tree. Soon they were hanging the ornaments together, balls cradled in the crooks of their arms as they made pass after pass, at one point racing to see who could finish a ring around the tree first.

Jane turned to the pile of dollar store ornaments, "I saw you only bought balls, and I thought that was kind of boring."

Amongst the Christmas baubles they hung an assortment of angels, nutcrackers, reindeer, Santas, and gilded words that read: "Peace," "Hope," and "Joy." Jane unwrapped one final ornament from tissue and held it out to Maura, a fat little Santa dressed in a policeman's uniform.

Maura took the ornament and held it for a moment, smiling, a slight twinkle of tears forming in her eyes. She blinked and sniffled and then placed the ornament right in the front of the tree, "I think we'll have to find a Doctor Claus to accompany him."

"Yeah," Jane chuckled, "Detective Claus can't be up there all alone."

They spent a few minutes pushing the furniture back to make room on the floor in front of the tree for throw blankets and pillows. Maura hauled out all the gifts she had already wrapped and situated them on the skirt at the tree's base.

"How early do you start your shopping?" Jane asked, shocked that there weren't just one or two boxes but a scene reminiscent of one of her childhood Christmas mornings. She helped Maura arrange them, trying to peek slyly at the names on the cards: _Angela, Tommy, Frankie, TJ, Barry, Vince, and Jane_. And then another _Jane_…and another.

"I shop all year," Maura replied. "If I see something I think would be the perfect gift, then I get it, lest I forget."

Jane folded the card of one of the boxes back down, "You didn't have to…get me a gift…three gifts," she motioned at the boxes. Maura tried to cover a smirk and looked away. "There's more than three!? Maura!"

"You didn't have to buy me an eight foot Blue Spruce Christmas tree, and ornaments…" Maura countered.

Jane shrugged, "I wanted to."

"I wanted to," Maura echoed.

She stood and dimmed the lights in the room, lit a fire in the fireplace, and then plugged the lights in. They stood back together, looking at the tree. Maura cocked her head from one side to the other. "Something's missing…"

"Oh!" Jane exclaimed, returning to the dollar store bags and producing a glitter-covered silver star topper. Straining, she managed to adorn the tree with its crown.

"Just like yours," Maura smiled as they cozied up on the blankets in front of the fire, fresh cups of hot cocoa in their hands.

"Well, we're a pair, right?" Jane smiled, taking a sip.

Maybe it was the eggnog from earlier, though Maura knew it wasn't. More likely it was staring at the most beautiful tree she thought she'd ever seen, and the presents so artfully arranged underneath it that made her think about the one gift she truly wanted for Christmas. She set her mug of cocoa aside and took a deep breath. As she did her shoulder brushed against Jane's and she knew then there was no turning back.

"How much longer are we going to go on like this?" Maura crossed her legs in front of her and let her hands settle on her knees, squeezing to try and release some of the fear that was simmering inside of her.

Silence. Jane stared intently at the tree. "Like…what?" She finally summoned the courage to ask.

"Really, Jane?"

"Hey, that's my line," Jane quipped.

"Don't." Maura answered quickly. "No joking. Not now."

They sat for a moment, neither comfortable with the conversation they knew they were on the verge of having. Jane didn't like to talk about her feelings and Maura knew she just wasn't always good at expressing hers.

"Talk to me," Jane said quietly, turning to face Maura she watched the woman next to her keep flexing her fingers nervously into her knees. "Hey," she reached out and tentatively took one of Maura's hands in her own. "Hey…just…say it."

Closing her eyes, Maura took a deep breath and slowly expelled the air. "Ever since…what happened with Dennis…I think about what if there's a day that comes when it's all gone. And I'll be left with this regret that it's too late to fix. I've spent all these years focusing on my career and never just on the me that's behind it. I let Ian come, I let him use me, and I let him leave and I thought it was love. I told everyone I was alright with being alone, that I was used to it, and I tried to make myself believe that…"

"You're not alone, Maura. And you haven't been for a long time," Jane squeezed her hand.

"But, I feel alone," Maura said softly, finally turning to look at Jane. "Don't you understand? You keep giving me pieces of yourself, a little here, a little there. I don't want the pieces anymore, they're not enough."

She felt lightheaded all of a sudden but Jane steadied herself, "What do you want?"

"You." Maura replied. "I want you, Jane." Tears began to streak down her already flushed face. "I love you."

Jane sniffled and her voice shook as she responded, "And that makes you cry?"

Maura shook her head, "Fear. Fear is making me cry. Fear of what you'll say now."

Jane took a breath and stared up at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and tried to fight it, they couldn't both be sobbing wrecks. Maura's hand was still in her own, tight, warm, and slightly trembling. It was what she had wanted all day, to hold her hand. It was what she wanted almost every day but had been too scared to admit.

"You know I can't stand it when you cry," Jane choked out as she reached for Maura's face and tried to wipe the tears away with her thumbs. "Please…" Maura only whimpered in response, more tears flowing freely.

Jane kissed her. Pulled her forward until their lips met. It was light at first, as if their lips were only comforting one another with the faintest of touch. Jane half expected Maura to pull away and tell her she'd misunderstood. Instead, Maura's hands found their way to Jane's cheeks and held her in place as she deepened the kiss, taking the control that Jane ceded as her lips parted. As the intensity of the kiss waned, they slowly separated, eyes opening and meeting.

"So, all this time, all I had to do to make you stop crying was kiss you?" Jane smiled as her thumb stroked across a dried tearstain.

Maura crawled forward and settled into Jane's lap, their cheeks brushing, arms wrapped around each other. It was a completeness that made her realize how incomplete she had felt all along.

"No more pieces of me," Jane murmured, gently pushing Maura back out of the embrace. "All these years and you're really the most intimate relationship I've ever had…except…we weren't in a relationship," she chuckled softly as she thought about it. Jane looked up at the woman straddling her lap and there was a rightness in it that quelled any doubt. "No more pieces." She reached for the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head.

Maura's hands dragged slowly from Jane's face, down her neck to her shoulders, pushing the straps of her bra off as they moved. She ran her palms over prominent collarbones and paused for a moment to feel the quickened pace of Jane's heart under her touch. Her fingers searched lower and teased just inside the edge of Jane's bra until they met in the center and then returned to stroke the expectant face that was staring back at her.

"I'm sure," Jane said anticipatorily.

Maura kissed her again, harder, more fervently as she stroked Jane's back and finally unclasped her bra and tossed it to the side. "I love you," she whispered through the dark curls shielding Jane's ear as she kissed slowly down her neck.

"I love you too," Jane answered, closing her eyes and trying to stifle a moan as Maura's lips trailed across her chest and kneaded the soft swell of her breast with kisses until closing securely around one of her nipples.

Jane took hold of Maura's shirt with a playful smile and watched as Maura raised her arms and slinked out of it as she eased backwards out of her lap. Her fingers reached for the button of Jane's jeans and unfastened them, dragging them and Jane's underwear down her hips until the pants were pulled completely free and tossed aside.

Maura kissed each of Jane's knees, still closed tightly in front of her. She let her cheeks graze them as her hands stroked lightly up and down the top and outside of Jane's thighs. "This is all I want. You're all I want," she whispered, kissing Jane's knees again and pausing to hold her gaze. "Lay back for me?"

Jane nodded, settled back, her head resting on one of the pillows they had placed on the floor. She'd never been more terrified of being with someone in her entire life. People always said it was different when it was with someone you loved and she'd always dismissed it as overly sentimental romanticism. Now, she understood.

Maura parted her legs and hovered over her, kissing her until Jane feared she might implode from the anticipation. Finally, Maura moved lower, lips mapping ever part of her now lover, flicking her nipples with her tongue and fingers, delighting in how Jane couldn't stifle the whimpering moans when she did so. Lower still she slinked until she finally settled between Jane's legs, her sex wet and flushed rosy with arousal.

"Oh…" Jane gasped as Maura's tongue made contact and began to sate her desire. She grasped at the blanket underneath her and clenched the soft fabric in her fists until she could feel her fingers digging through the cover into her palms. Maura's touch was unlike anything she had felt before. Warm and soft, sensual and playful she circled the apex of Jane's sensitivity and slid down to slip inside her. Subtle moans escaped her as she tasted her lover for the first time.

Jane released the blanket and wrapped one hand in Maura's hair, desperate to have some part of Maura under her touch. "There," she moaned, rolling her hips as Maura's lips wrapped tightly around her clit and began to suck gently. "Oh!" She cried out one last time as the release overtook her, the lights from the tree ahead of her filling her vision and blurring momentarily. The orgasm claimed her whole body as she trembled and continued to anchor Maura between her legs to ride out every last delicious wave of it.

Spent, her grip loosened, though she continued to twirl a strand of Maura's hair between her fingers as she watched her lover delicately kiss up her inner thigh. Jane sat up and pulled Maura close, their lips hovering so close they were almost touching, but not quite. She breathed in softly and wondered if she would taste herself on the kiss. She closed the gap and lost herself in the softness of Maura's lips, fingers using the distraction to loose Maura's bra and then fumble with her pants in order to make her intentions known.

Maura eased back and shrugged out of the last of her garments. With amusement she watched Jane's eyes drag down the length of her body and rise to settle again on her breasts. Again she straddled Jane's lap and took her hand, placing it first over her heart, and then guiding it lower until Jane cupped one breast and then the other. She kissed her, humming in pleasure as Jane grew more confident and began to roll her hardened nipples between her fingers, the sensation traveling through Maura's body and prompting her to grind softly against Jane's abdomen.

Jane could feel Maura's arousal on her skin; she pushed her back, one arm looped around Maura's lower back as her left hand continued to massage the breast that her mouth and tongue weren't given attention to.

"Don't make me wait," Maura whispered shakily.

Impatient herself, Jane released her breast and slid her hand down between them, eyes widening when silky wetness met her aching fingers. She explored her lover for a moment, two fingers stroking back and forth through the arousal and giving short bursts of attention to the erect nub at her apex. Maura rocked against the touch, quieting her moans against the skin of Jane's neck as the fingers slipped inside.

"Yes," she encouraged, bucking harder against Jane's touch as lithe fingers pumped and curled inside her. "Jane…" her voice grew more ragged as the seconds passed, one hand tangled in a muss of black waves as the other clawed and tightened into the skin of Jane's back. Maura gasped, her body going rigid until it succumbed to wave after wave of tremors in Jane's arms.

Finally, she relaxed, holding her breath as Jane pulled free. She felt two, long arms envelope her as she relaxed and let her head fall to Jane's shoulder. They sat like that for several minutes, the muted tunes of a Christmas playlist barely audible in the background, the primary sound: their own breaths and the pulsing heartbeats echoing in their heads.

Jane carefully rolled Maura out of her lap and pulled her to rest her head on her chest as they both laid down. Maura reached for an extra blanket and drew it over them as they both again looked at the Christmas tree.

"I don't want to ever take it down," Maura mused as she tried to memorize every ornament, how they looked with the tiny white lights glinting off of them, the soothing yellow glow that colored the room, and the way the colors tinted Jane's chest and enticed her to trace the reflections with her finger.

Jane smiled, "We'll take pictures of it. Then, we'll always have it."

"Can we get the same kind of tree next year?" Maura asked, propping herself up on an elbow to look down at Jane.

"Yeah," Jane nodded, smiling as she reached up to run her fingers down Maura's face. "It'll be our tradition."


End file.
